A Little Black Joy

Banned Histories of Race in America

Today is a brutal and heavy day in Maine. Instead of the usual kind of thing, here’s a small list of wonderful things invented by Black people.

1: House Parties

Before house parties had DJs, they had musicians. And before they were called “house” parties they were called “rent” parties. Back in 1920s Harlem, exploitive landlords ruled (if you can imagine such a thing) so Black folks would hire a musician or two or three, invite the neighborhood over, charge a quarter at the door, party all night and make rent.

2: The Dustpan

Lloyd P. Ray invented the dustpan in 1897 and you should thank him every day of your life that you don’t have to sweep up however they did before then. Probably use your fingernails or blow on it or something.  

3: The Blues

“Blues” was a term coined by white middlemen who wanted to make money off of Black art. The music itself is regional Black Folk Music widely ranging in variety of subject matter, rhyme scheme, chord progression, singing and instrument techniques and nearly every possible variety of style. Here’s Son House, Skip James and Mississippi John Hurt, who all lived within 80 miles of each other, displaying this variety. You can still call it Blues if you want, though. It’s been a while.

4: The Ice Cream Scoop

1897 was a big year because that was also the year that Alfred L. Cralle invented the ice cream scoop and you should thank him every day of your life that you don’t have to scoop ice cream how they did before then. Probably use some kind of rodent’s skull or child’s shoe or something.

5: Rock & Roll

Elvis stole his entire thing from Roy Hamilton – like his entire thing – and while I love Little Richard beyond words, it is only entirely unreasonable to suggest that anyone other than Sister Rosetta Tharpe invented Rock & Roll.

6: The Bicycle Frame

It was on October 10, 1899 when Isaac R. Johnson patented the bicycle frame. Standing on the corner, Johnson told a friend of his new patent. “It’ll never catch on!” yelled an eavesdropping passerby shortly before falling off of his penny-farthing.

7: The Record Player Arm

Joseph Dickenson invented the record player arm in 1819. And you should thank him every day of your life that you don’t have to play records how they did before then. Probably just pretend or use a hammer or something.

8: The Bottle Cap

Amos Long and Albert Johnson invented the bottle cap in 1898 forever freeing the world from flat soda.

9: The Curtain Rod

I love my neighbors but I also love my privacy which is why I am so happy that Samuel Scottron invented the curtain rod in 1892. And you should thank him every day of your life that you don’t have to hold up curtains how they did before then. Probably tried to nail them to the glass or just hold them up with their arms all night or something.

10: The Egg Beater

Willis Johnson patented the egg beater in 1884. This invention didn’t so much save time whisking eggs as it did transfer that amount of time—and sometimes a little more—to washing the egg beater after the fact.

11: The Doorknob

A sixteen-year-old Black child named Osbourn Dorsey invented the doorknob in 1878. And you should thank him every day of your life that you don’t have to open and close doors how they did before then. Probably trying to cast a spell on it or use a sheep or something.