Benjamin Lay: Little Person, Colonial-era Abolitionist, Guerrilla Theater Prankster

Banned Histories of Race in America

During the Great Storm of 1703 windmills spun fast enough to catch fire. Thousands of homes were destroyed. Hundreds of Royal Navy ships were lost and an estimated 10,000-30,000 British people died. Benjamin Lay was 21 years old at the time and you’d never guess he would’ve survived such a thing. You’d never guess that he’d spend his next twelve years at sea. Or that he’d become a farmer and an author. You’d definitely never guess that he’d live to the ripe old age of 77. And there’s no way in hell that you’d ever guess that Benjamin Lay would become a household name in the American Colonies.

The reason you’d never guess any of that is because on top of suffering from a spinal disorder—people called him a hunchback—Benjamin Lay was also a little person and anyone of that description has only ever been underestimated.

He called himself Little Ben and he used peoples’ underestimating him to the benefit of all. A Quaker by faith and obviously a force of nature, he would also come to be known as the Quaker Comet.

This portrait of Benjamin Lay was commissioned by Benjamin Franklin. Lay was once described by a fellow Quaker, “His head was large in proportion to his body; the features of his face were remarkable, and boldly delineated, and his countenance was grave and benignant. ...His legs were so slender, as to appear almost unequal to the purpose of supporting him, diminutive as his frame.”

Now, Benjamin was white but he hated slavery. Like, really fucking hated it. I mean, when he moved to Pennsylvania he pressured the other Quakers to ban slavery. Yes, they had already been publicly against slavery, but in practice it was a different story for many wealthy Quakers.

So, just how did Little Ben pressure his fellow Quakers? He did what I like to think of as a series of pranks. They started off a little rough, but after a while he really got the hang of it. And so, in reverse order for effect, here are my Top 3 Little Ben Pranks:

1: This first one is pretty simple. Little Ben would go to all the public meetings. He’d mostly sit quietly. But, occasionally an enslaver would get up to speak. They’d walk up to the podium with all the confidence of a wealthy man. Expecting to be carefully listened to and treated with deference. And that’s the point at which Little Ben would stand and mockingly interrupt the enslaver, pointing and yelling, “There’s another negro-master!” It’s a little clunky, but shaming rich people is always hilarious to me.

2: Ok, now, this next one I’m not suggesting you do, but just try to imagine it. One time Little Ben was talking to a local farmer and his wife, trying to convince them to release the people they’d enslaved. He was unsuccessful in this attempt and so he reached down and picked up their three-year-old daughter and pretended to run off with her. The enslavers, naturally freaked the fuck out, but then Little Ben put her down and said, “You see and feel, now, a little of the distress which you occasion by the inhuman practice of slave-keeping.” Just imagine the looks on their enslaving faces!

3: The best for last. Here’s what Little Ben does. First he hollows out a book and makes it look like the Bible. Then he takes a small bull’s bladder and fills it with a red pokeberry juice. Next he places the juice-filled bladder in the fake bible. He then donned a military uniform, grabbed a sword and long coat and off to the biggest Quaker meeting of the year he went. Little Ben sat there among the powerful enslaving Quakers, waiting. Then, when the moment struck, Little Ben stood, tore off his coat, revealing the military uniform. Then he raised his fake bible in one hand, the sword in the other and bellowed, “Thus shall God shed the blood of those persons who enslave their fellow creatures!”

The Quaker Comet then plunged the sword into the book, piercing the hidden bladder and causing pokeberry juice to spray everywhere. He deliberately splattered some all over the enslavers. Chaos ensued. Many thought it was blood causing some to gasp and others to faint. All the while Little Ben just stood there, completely still, somehow not laughing his ass off. Eventually Quakers surrounded him and carried him out of the building.

But, in 1758 – the year before the Quaker Comet died – at the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, the Quakers pronounced themselves to be against, “the practice of Importing, buying, selling or keeping Slaves” and became not only unified in their stance against slavery, but the era’s most driving voice for abolition.